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Tips for the Baths or Saunas
Darlings, here is a short synopsis of tips on the etiquette of the baths/saunas.
- Spending hours deciding what to wear to the baths is a particularly insane waste of
time.
- If you are looking for a wonderfully spiritual union with a kindred spirit who
appreciates your incredibly agile mind as well as your incredibly agile body, you are in
the wrong place.
- If everyone who said, "I don't come here very often" were telling the truth,
there would be no one present.
- Do not assume that the guys walking into walls are on some intriguing new drug that
nobody has bothered to tell you about; most likely, they have just left their glasses in
their lockers. It is better to look good then to see good.
- It is utterly pointless to waste time wondering why guys who won't even talk to you at
the bars are so eager to suck your cock at the baths.
- A primitive tribe in New Guinea does not have a word for "No" in its language.
Natives deny sexual favors by looking regretful and muttering "I'd like to, but I
just came." Remember this.
- Conversation in the orgy room should be kept to a minimum. Mutual grunts, reciprocal
groans, and periodic notices that "I'm comming" are acceptable; discussions of
the weather, ex-lovers, the quality of the darkness, and Bette Midler's last album are
not.
- Every so often, do your good deed for the day; let an ugly old troll suck your cock.
Such magnanimous gestures are duly recorded by the Great Faggot in the Sky, and when you
are an ugly old troll, the favors will be returned in kind and number. Yes, darling,
that's the way it works.
- People who say to you "I''ve never done this before" must be informed at once
that the ability to take a fist to the elbow is not genetic.
- Spending ninety-six consecutive hours at the baths will either ruin your reputation or
greatly enhance it.
- Saying "I'm resting" to everyone who seeks entry into your cubicle defeats the
purpose of going to the baths.
- It is socially correct to bring your own rope to the baths; it is not socially correct
to tie yourself up.
- Never try to explain the baths to hetrosexuals. Please, trust me on this one or else
you'll have to answer such questions as "And you don't even know his name?"
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